mending OUR souls (kintsugi)

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THE UNDERLYING ISSUES OF AN ADDICTION

CHARACTER DEFECTS

  Fault, failing, weakness, flaw, shortcoming, and inadequacy are all synonyms for the word defect. Character refers to the mental and moral qualities of an individual. Thus, the ubiquitous phrase in the recovery world defects of character implies moral and psychological flaws and failings in an individual. 


STEP 6 -  Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character 

KINTSUGI

  In the ancient Japanese art of kintsugi, shards of broken pottery are fused back together with lacquer that has been mixed with gold, silver, or platinum dust. Kintsugi is a metaphor for the healing process. This art’s philosophy reframes the residual effects of suffering; rather than seeing it as something to hide, kintsugi treats that repair as a beautiful part of your history. This makes ceramic pieces not only functional again, but more beautiful for having a sort of golden scar.   

     In other words, the transformation is not just about putting the pieces of one's broken life back together, it's about a total reinvention of self in which our shattered pieces are alchemized into a beautiful, thriving masterpiece. 

Huffpost.com

anger

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ANGER transformed into PEACE

 

 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. - 2 Timothy 2:24 (NLT) 


 

Many things can trigger anger, including stress, family problems, and financial issues. For some people, anger is caused by an underlying disorder, such as addiction or depression. Anger itself isn't considered a disorder, but anger is a known symptom of several mental health conditions. 




 You can't be angry and grateful simultaneously. You can't be fearful and grateful simultaneously. So, gratitude is the solution to both anger and fear, and instead of just acting grateful, I  think of specific situations that I'm grateful for, little ones and big ones.


Tony Robbins: ‘Gratitude Is the Solution to Anger and Fear"


K.I.S.S. KEEP IT SIMPLE SAYINGS

Anger is sometimes hard to understand and each person is different.  It is usually related to self esteem, fear, ungratefulness and dishonesty just to name a few.   In the section called Keep It Simple Sayings on my site, there are 20 different sayings and my dialog of each that you may relate to and find helpful in dealing with anger.

MINDFULNESS

 Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us. 

How Fear Can Cause Anger | Anger Management

Fight Your Fear | Pastor Steven Furtick

“Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration. – Phil McGraw”.

LUST

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LUST transformed into LOVE

 

PSALM 51:

 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 


 PURITY: The freedom from immorality, especially of a sexual nature Freedom from adulteration or contamination. 

Biked 3,800 Miles Across America With Chains To Fight Porn

HOW TO TOTALLY BLOCK PORN ON AN IPHONE

Sex is a good thing. | Pastor Steven Furtick

Finding Love In A Culture Obsessed With Lust

It’s All About Love – Part 2 Pastor Rick's Daily Hope

GET HELP NOW!

Sex addicts anonymous 

Celebrate Recovery (Christian based recovery group)

envy

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ENVY transformed into GRATEFUL

 Envy' is an emotion which "occurs when a person lacks another's superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it". Aristotle defined envy as pain at the sight of another’s good fortune, stirred by “those who have what we ought to have.” Wikipedia  


"BLESSED IS HE WHO HAS LEARNED TO ADMIRE BUT NOT ENVY, TO FOLLOW BUT NOT IMITATE, TO PRAISE BUT NOT FLATTER, AND TO LEAD BUT NOT MANIPULATE."

William Ward


 Wanting material things made me very prideful and envious.   These are two character defects that were detrimental to my sobriety.   Each and every day I write things that I am grateful for in my journal such as my wife and our home.  These are things that I will not have if I do not put my recovery first in my life.  "Today, I am grateful for my sobriety"! 

Bryan MRA...

Stop Comparing Your Life. Start Living It.

What is a Gratitude Journal?

Why More Stuff Won't Make You Happy

15 Bible Verses about Gratitude

PEOPLE PLEASING

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PEOPLE PLEASING transformed into AUTHENTIC (REAL LOVE)

 What is People Pleasing? People Pleasing is when you forfeit your authenticity  to be who you think others need/want you to be. The main goal of this behavior is to obtain the love, approval and validation of others   

Freedom From People Pleasing by Faithful Workouts

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE PLEASING: 3 Strategies That Actually Work

The Daily Authenticity Checklist

Use these question on a daily basis to ensure you are living an authentic life. Think of them as diagnostic questions to ensure you are living authentically every single day.


Did I do anything yesterday that was not authentic? If so, why?

What actions will I take today to show my authentic self?

What opportunities for authenticity will I encounter today?

What situations will I encounter that will tempt me to NOT be authentic? How will I handle those situations?

What are my passions? How will I follow those passions today?

What self-esteem building actions will I take today?

How will I love myself today?

How will I avoid comparing myself to others today?

What do I need to affirm about myself today?

What good things will happen if I live authentically today?


Every morning, take 5-10 minutes to review and reflect upon these questions.

You can take a mental inventory, or spend a few minutes journaling your answers. You will be amazed at the clarity it provide you and the beautiful authenticity it brings into your life. beautifulauthenticself.com/ 

Recovering from Codependency: The Truth About People-Pleasing

How To Stop Being A People Pleaser

denial

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DENIAL transformed into acceptance

  Denial plays an important role in addiction. Addicts are notoriously prone to denial. Denial explains why drug use persists in the face of negative consequences.  Addiction cost them their job, their health, or their family. If they remain ignorant about the negative consequences of their actions, then these consequences cannot guide their 

...PSYCHOLOGYTODAY.COMdecision-making

Jorge Lesson on Denial

Lesson 1 Denial Baggage

Denial and Addiction (1 of 4) - Addiction Now

4 Stages of Denial of Sex Addiction

self pity

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SELF-PITY transformed into SELF-ESTEEM

  Self pity is a habitual behaviour that drags you into depression. In depression, if self pitying behaviour continues, it can lead you to feeling overwhelmed, and helpless. If you are suffering from alcoholism, or other addictions, self-pity has the potential to kill you. 

Meet Yourself: A User's Guide to Building Self-Esteem: Niko Everett at TEDxYouth@BommerCanyon

YOU ARE ENOUGH | Epic SELF LOVE Speech w/Adam Roa

THE POWER OF POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

8 Steps to Improving Your Self-Esteem

dishonest

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DISHONESTY transformed into HONESTY

 Honesty is a facet of moral character that connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Honesty also involves being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere. 

THREE REASONS HONESTY IN RECOVERY IS IMPORTANT

Honest liars -- the psychology of self-deception: Cortney Warren at TEDxUNLV

THERE IS NO TRUE RECOVERY WITHOUT HONESTY

selfishness

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SELFISHNESS transformed into UNSELFISHNESS

How Can I Learn To Be Unselfish? (Live Your Calling)

Fighting Addiction By Being Selfless

  Service as a tool for recovery 

Step 12: Service - Erik’s Story about Drug Addiction Recovery

How can helping others have a positive effect on your self esteem?

Helping Others Improves Self-Esteem by Changing Your Brain

Helping others has a profound effect on your brain chemistry, promotes joy and realigns you with a sense of purpose, even in the face of pain. Contributing to the greater good can build self-esteem and create a positive relationship with yourself

 

fear

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FEAR transformed into COURAGE

Fears That Can Sabotage Recovery and How to Manage Them

The Fear of Intimacy

Fear of Intimacy: Signs, Causes, and Coping Strategies

The Anatomy of Intimacy | Alisha Lockley | TEDx

Definition of FEAR

 A feeling which makes you turn away or RUN from something.